Part One: Grieving the Living

Olivia was a single lady, content with her singleness. She had a career that she loved and thrived in, she was well respected among her peers and loved by her family and friends. Although she was doing well professionally and quite content with not having somebody’s son getting on her nerves, deep down she really did crave the companionship of a man.

Years before her professional career took off, she struggled to find her place in the career field. She loved the work but always felt she had more to offer. In addition to navigating her career, her marriage was coming to an end and she and her husband ultimately divorced, leaving her to take care of their twin daughters, Blake and Dylan. As you can imagine, that presented a challenge for Olivia. Should she stay in her comfort zone and struggle to make ends meet at the job she loved or should she trust God and step out on faith? It took a few years, but she eventually stepped out on faith and moved to a city.

Olivia found herself at a crossroads, uncertain of which path to take in her evolving life. With the weight of her career struggles and the ending of her marriage, she faced battles on multiple fronts. Yet, she was determined to find her way.

Olivia's resilience became her guiding light as she juggled her responsibilities as a single mother to Blake and Dylan. The move to a new city was daunting, but it represented a leap of faith that ultimately led to professional success and a substantial increase in her income. Her daughters adapted to their new environment, flourishing in their academic endeavors and growing into confident young women.

Despite the challenges, Olivia's focus on her career helped her remain grounded. Her attempts to navigate the world of online dating were met with disappointments, but she persevered, finding solace in her work and the love she had for her daughters. She embraced the belief that something better awaited her, and it was this faith that carried her through.

With her daughters approaching high school graduation, Olivia reflected on the years of growth and transformation. Her strength and determination had seen her through the toughest times, and she felt a sense of accomplishment in the life she had built for herself and her daughters.

As Olivia began to embrace her empty nest, she met Chad. Their relationship began cautiously but soon blossomed into something that seemed promising. Chad was attentive and caring, a stark contrast to the disappointments Olivia had faced in her previous attempts at dating. For the first time in a long while, Olivia felt hopeful about finding true companionship.

Chad was a breath of fresh air, and Olivia felt a glimmer of hope that perhaps, this time, things would be different. Chad's presence brought a warmth that Olivia had almost forgotten existed. Their conversations flowed effortlessly, covering everything from career aspirations to parenting challenges. Chad's genuine interest in Olivia's life made her feel special and valued in ways she had not experienced in a long time.

He took her to nice dinners and even introduced her to her first Broadway show. Olivia had been guarded because of failed attempts at dating, but Chad was different. He was attentive, he complimented her, he initiated dates-and paid for them, he was gentle and protective of her physically and emotionally, and if she needed one dollar, he gave her ten.

Just as Olivia and Chad believed they had found a love between them, he was offered a promotion and had to relocate. This was devastating! Olivia had finally found someone she trusted and felt safe with only for him to leave just as their relationship was moving to the next level. Just like any two people who love each other, they tried to continue their relationship, but the distance was too much for Chad’s interest, so they agreed to be friends and keep in touch.

What Chad didn’t know was that Olivia was so in love that she stayed in touch in hopes of them making their long-distance work. She suggested creative virtual dates, schedules, halfway points, etc to continue the relationship. It worked briefly, but Chad’s new schedule kept him busy so maintaining a long-distance relationship wasn’t a priority especially when he could date someone in his new city.

As she navigated the complexities of maintaining a long-distance relationship, Olivia's emotions were a tumultuous mix of hope and unease. She cherished the moments they managed to share, even if they were virtual or fleeting. Every message from Chad was like a lifeline, anchoring her to the belief that their love could endure the miles between them.

However, as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, Olivia began to sense a gradual shift. Chad's replies grew sporadic, the warmth of his words waning like the fading embers of a once-blazing fire. The creative virtual dates that Olivia meticulously planned were met with polite enthusiasm but lacked the genuine excitement they once held. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was grasping at shadows, trying to hold onto something that was slipping through her fingers.

Despite the growing distance, Olivia held on, driven by the memory of what they had shared. She reminded herself of the tender moments, the promises whispered in the quiet of the night, and the dreams they had painted together. Yet, an insidious doubt began to creep into her heart, gnawing at the edges of her resolve. She wondered if she was holding onto an illusion, a mirage that would never materialize into the reality she so desperately desired.

Olivia started asking questions. She wondered when Chad decided that he was no longer interested in their relationship and why she had to ask him rather than him being forthright, especially knowing the feelings she held for him. They continued to communicate and each time, Olivia felt an organic moment to ask more questions about Chad’s feelings towards her, she received clarity.

Her friends noticed the toll it was taking on her. Charmaine, her closest confidante, urged Olivia to reevaluate the situation. "Liv, you deserve someone who is present, someone who makes you a priority," she would say gently, her concern evident in her eyes. Olivia knew Charmaine was right, but the thought of letting go was akin to tearing out a piece of her soul.

And then came the day when reality delivered its harshest blow. A message from Chad, one that she had both dreaded and anticipated, brought the truth crashing down.

Their relationship, once filled with hope and promise, had now become a source of heartache and confusion. Olivia felt lost in a maze of emotions, with each turn leading her deeper into uncertainty. She replayed their moments together, searching for clues that might explain Chad's sudden withdrawal. Was there a sign she had missed? A subtle hint that their love was not as mutual as she had believed.

The realization that their relationship was no longer a priority for Chad was a bitter pill to swallow. Olivia's heart ached with the weight of unreciprocated love, and the once-bright future she had envisioned with Chad began to dim. Her friends, seeing the toll it was taking on her, offered their support and urged her to reconsider the path she was on. Yet, Olivia struggled to let go.

As Olivia navigated this emotional turmoil, she found herself questioning everything she had believed about their relationship. The love she thought they had shared now seemed like a distant dream, overshadowed by the harsh reality of Chad's indifference. She wondered if she had been blinded by her own desires, seeing only what she wanted to see and ignoring the warning signs that had been there all along.

In the midst of this inner conflict, Olivia resolved to confront Chad, seeking clarity about his feelings and their future. She hoped that an honest conversation would provide the answers she so desperately needed, even if those answers were not what she wanted to hear. The thought of facing Chad's truth was daunting, but Olivia knew she could no longer live in limbo, torn between hope and despair.

Her friends, particularly Charmaine, continued to offer their unwavering support. Charmaine's words resonated deeply with Olivia, reminding her of her worth and the importance of being with someone who truly valued her. Olivia knew that her journey to healing would be a difficult one, but she was determined to find her way back to herself, even if it meant letting go of the love she had once believed in so fervently.

Determined to seek the truth, Olivia decided to have a heartfelt conversation with Chad. She needed to understand where they stood and whether there was any future for their relationship.

Summoning all her courage, Olivia reached out to Chad and asked to meet him.

When they finally sat down together, the atmosphere was heavy with unspoken words. Olivia looked into Chad's eyes, searching for answers, and asked him directly about his feelings and intentions. Chad's response was evasive at first, but Olivia persisted, demanding the honesty she deserved.

Finally, Chad admitted that his feelings were only friendly with no intention of ever being more than that; even before his promotion required him to relocate. He confessed that while he cared for her, he wasn't ready for the level of commitment that Olivia had hoped for. The revelation hit Olivia like a ton of bricks. The love and dreams she had held onto so tightly were now shattered by the reality of Chad's indifference.

As tears welled up in her eyes, Olivia knew she had to make a choice. She could continue to hold onto the remnants of a fading love, or she could gather her strength and move forward with her life. With the support of her friends and the memories of the love they once shared, Olivia chose to let go.

The process of healing was not easy, and there were days when Olivia felt overwhelmed by grief and sadness. But with each passing day, she grew stronger, rediscovering her own worth and the dreams she had for her future. She focused on her career, her passions, and the love she had for her daughters. Olivia knew that she deserved happiness and that the right person would come into her life when the time was right.

Olivia told Chad that she was utterly and completely confused because she tells her girlfriends that she loves them all the time, but never has she looked them in their eyes, said “I love you”, and followed up with a kiss. Had Olivia romanticized this relationship because he offered elements of companionship that she hadn’t experienced before? Was this just the cost of doing business with Chad and she was no different than any other woman?

As Olivia continued to process Chad's words, a sense of betrayal washed over her. She had trusted him with her heart, only to find that his commitment was wavering. The dreams they had once shared seemed like a cruel joke, and Olivia's confidence in her ability to discern truth from deception was shaken. She felt the weight of his indifference and her own vulnerability pressing down on her, making it hard to breathe.

Chad eventually admitted that he was spending time with multiple women during his time with Olivia, but felt most comfortable with her. Was that supposed to be a compliment?

Olivia was completely destroyed. She regretted letting her guard down and remembered why she was so guarded to begin with. She had grown up relationships prior to Chad, but intentions were clearly stated, and it was Olivia’s choice to engage or not. With Chad, she felt that she was completely blindsided. He stated early on his intentions, but his actions did not match his words. Olivia even questioned this and told him that she was fully prepared for something different, but he was offering something more. He agreed but could give no reasonable explanation as to why he would lead her on in that way other than “I didn’t think you would be mature enough to handle knowing.” Such bullshit because they could have cut out the “how was your days” and other personal conversations and just hooked up with no emotion.

Once Olivia explained how his actions made her feel and that she was open to him because she believed he was someone he could trust, he admitted that he understood why she would feel that way but didn’t initially offer an apology for the deception. He held all the cards, he knew how Olivia felt because she was clear, but at no point did he say that those feelings weren’t mutual although his actions continuously proved otherwise.

This revelation set Olivia back in her mental healing, her ability to even want to be open to dating again. She felt numb. She felt used. She felt deceived. She felt foolish. Charmaine has been a source of honest wisdom for her because even learning all of this about Chad, Olivia continued to communicate with him. It is hard for Olivia to explain why she can’t let go or move on, but if she doesn’t surrender the idea of what she thought and moves on, she may never recover.

Olivia has plans for her career and life, and not to mention, she has to be present for her twin daughters. How can she teach her daughters to be discerning when she experienced such heartbreak as an adult?

Olivia knew that in order to heal, she had to distance herself from Chad emotionally and physically. She blocked his number, deleted his messages, and removed him from her social media. It was a difficult step, but necessary for her to regain control over her life and emotions.

In the months that followed, Olivia immersed herself in activities that brought her joy and fulfillment. She took up painting again, a hobby she had abandoned during her relationship with Chad. The act of creating art became a therapeutic outlet for her pain and a way to express her emotions without words.

She also joined a local hiking group, finding solace in the beauty of nature and the camaraderie of like-minded individuals. Each hike was a reminder of her resilience and strength, as she conquered new trails and challenged herself physically and mentally.

As Olivia continued to heal, she began to rediscover her own identity. She remembered the dreams and aspirations she had before Chad came into her life, and she started to pursue them with renewed vigor. She enrolled in a writing course, eager to share her story and inspire others who might be going through similar experiences.

Through her journey of self-discovery, Olivia realized that she was stronger than she had ever given herself credit for. She learned to trust herself again, to listen to her intuition, and to prioritize her own happiness above all else.

One evening, while attending a friend's art exhibition, Olivia met someone new. They struck up a conversation about their shared love for art and nature, and she felt a spark of genuine connection. It was too soon to tell where it might lead, but for the first time in a long while, Olivia felt hopeful about the possibility of love again.

Her heart, though scarred, was beginning to heal. And with each day that passed, she grew more confident that she deserved a love that was true, honest, and unwavering.

Next up: Part Two-The Mask Still Fits...

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