Part Two: The Mask Still Fits

Olivia thought she was over Chad because she met a wonderful new guy at her friend’s art exhibition. Nathan seemed to be a really great guy, but he wasn’t Chad.

But underneath the surface, Olivia's life was far from perfect. She grappled with inner demons that no one could see – demons that were born from past traumas and heartbreaks.

Despite her best efforts to appear flawless, cracks began to show. Olivia's meticulously curated exterior masked a tumultuous inner world where she wrestled with anxiety and depression. And although Olivia worked really hard to find herself and work on hobbies to move past her heartbreak, she couldn’t ignore the fact that she had been so deceived. More importantly, she couldn’t forgive herself for allowing the deception to be possible.

Olivia took pride in presenting perfection in her parenting, at her job, even with her family-so she could not show up in places appearing unwell. She became so high functioning that she had no threshold. She would go on a date with Nathan and then come home and cry herself to sleep because his kindness triggered a memory of Chad.

Despite Nathan's kindness and understanding, Olivia couldn’t shake off the feeling of betrayal she had experienced with Chad. Every gesture of Nathan's felt like a stark reminder of her inability to trust fully again. The mask she wore grew heavier with each passing day, her forced smiles concealing a heart that had been shattered one too many times.

Olivia's mental health began to deteriorate, and she found herself in a downward spiral. It was Marcy, her ever-supportive therapist, who suggested the idea of seeking professional help from a psychiatrist. With reluctance and desperation, Olivia agreed.

It was so daunting at times that she would pick the skin on the bottom of her feet to the point that she would saturate her sheets with blood. No one could see her scars, but she could definitely feel them with every step that she took the next few days. She had gotten so good at hiding her scars that she eventually knew how to treat her wounds so that she could walk with no pain the next day. Her picking escalated to her hands until one day she pulled so much skin that her finger became infected. There was no hiding her scars at that point. She would text Charmaine and Marcy, her therapist, in the middle of the night for comfort. And then the next morning, Olivia would wake up, read her Bible, pray, and then find a cute outfit with matching frames and jewelry and layer the perfect scents together so that her smell would leave a trace of her presence.

The sessions with Dr. Maxwell brought a slight reprieve. The prescribed medication helped to manage the peaks of her anxiety and the depths of her depression. And while Olivia started to unpack her emotions, she realized that her relationship with Nathan was becoming more complex. She was unable to open up to him in the way she had with Chad, and every time they were apart, her suspicions gnawed at her.

Olivia knew she had to focus on being a present mother to Blake and Dylan, who were both away at college. She couldn't let her daughters see her pain; they had enough to deal with being separated from each other and adjusting to their new lives.

In her solitary moments, Olivia would often find herself slipping back into communication with Chad; despite knowing it was detrimental to her healing process. It was like an addiction she couldn't shake off, no matter how hard she tried.

Olivia began to see Marcy twice a week to talk through her heartbreak. Marcy was an amazing therapist, just a text away if needed. She didn’t judge Olivia and even suggested that Olivia take a few days away from work to really focus on her healing. Through this entire process, Olivia continued her relationship with Nathan. He believed her to be a strong woman who had parented well and lived a balanced life. If only he knew the truth. She was so broken about Chad that she couldn’t allow herself to trust Nathan with information about what she was truly facing and how it impacted her daily life.

There was just something about Chad that she couldn’t let go of. Maybe she was in shock from the truths she had learned, maybe she thought she was in a virtual universe, but whatever it was-she could not let go. She eventually admitted to Marcy that she was still entertaining Chad’s calls. It was like all that therapy had been squandered with one phone call. How was it that Olivia allowed Chad to be the cause and the cure for her pain?

Nathan’s affections for Olivia grew while hers were barely there to begin with. It was almost the reverse of her relationship with Chad, except she wasn’t misleading Nathan by showing actions that didn’t match her feelings. Nathan was a great guy, but Olivia was just not ready to move on. Although this time, she didn’t abandon her hobbies, she continued her art and began writing even more. She didn’t hike as much because the weather had become so unpredictable, so she settled for the treadmill and yoga.

Just when she thought she had a handle on her communication with Chad and relationship with Nathan, Chad paid her a visit. She was shocked. He wanted to apologize for hurting her in person. Just as Chad was leaving, Nathan showed up. Olivia was caught. She owed no explanation to Chad, but Nathan was not thrilled at the fact that another man was leaving his lady’s house.

Olivia, overwhelmed and unable to continue the façade, broke down. She confessed her ongoing communication with Chad, her struggles with trust, and the depth of her pain.

Nathan listened, his expression was a mix of hurt and understanding.

He realized that her heart was still tethered to the man who had shattered it, and that she was not ready to let go. Olivia felt regretful, but also a strange sense of relief. It was the first time she had been completely truthful to Nathan. Honesty, though painful, was a step towards healing.

They sat in silence, the weight of the conversation settled around them. Nathan took a deep breath, his voice calm but firm. "Olivia, I care about you deeply. But I can't be with someone who isn't ready to move forward. You deserve to heal, and I deserve to be with someone who can fully be with me." Olivia nodded, tears streaming down her face. She knew he was right. They agreed to end their relationship, both understanding that it was necessary for their individual growth.

Olivia’s anxiety and depression only intensified. How could she let Chad have so much control over her life and emotions? What unhealed parts of her was he ultimately healing? Olivia and Marcy had to work through those emotions. Marcy definitely has job security as long as Olivia is her client. When will Olivia be able to take off her mask and be free?