The Space Between

I am aware that I have an anxious attachment style. Maybe from being the oldest child or from feelings of rejection that stem from childhood or any other clinical reason that I'm sitting on the couch working to unpack. But regardless of the reason, I believe that if I keep doing the work, my style will change from anxious to secure!

I digress.

I stayed on a 'ship far beyond the time it had actually sailed. Take a second, you'll catch it.

Although I had experienced heartbreak, the heartbreaker still felt like a safe space for me. He held my secrets, was emotionally available when I needed it most, and was financially supportive. We had an intimate "friendship". Even though we no longer shared a romantic connection, we would often reflect on the time we had. Those reflections were sometimes more like gut punches - realizing that woman's intuition is a real thing! But what did it matter at that point?!

In reality, it didn't matter. But it did make it hard for me to trust myself with a new partner. I felt if I was so blindly unaware of the reality of that romance, how could I know if the next romance was authentic or if I was just being charmed.

All those Thoughts to simply share that I have let go. The moment of clarity was so simple. No harsh words between us. Just a silent reminder that I don't matter.

I've spent the last week in the space between anxiety and peace...but it actually feels like freedom. Like a weight has been lifted. Like, "girl, wash your face!"

I'm sure I will miss having a male companion who I can talk to about nothing and anything. But I won't miss ruminating about something that was only meant to be temporary.